The most common question I get from guys via email or on the forum is always the same. I’m sure I don’t even have to tell you because you’re probably thinking it right now, and that’s why you found this site.
The most common question that all guys ask me is…
“Damn Jack, how are you so awesome?”
Great question, dear readers, but I think you’ll be more interested in the second most common question!
“What should I say to get a girl to like me?”
Well, the answer to that isn’t quite as simple as the question itself. The reason is that the answer is different for everyone.
You see, one of the biggest mistakes that beginners make when they’re learning how to deal with women is that they try to copy what someone else does or says. For example, I’ve mentioned before that my most common line when approaching a girl is a simple, “Hi, I’m Jack.” This line is perfect for a lot of reasons, but it works especially well with my personality. I’m very cocksure and honestly feel like I’m improving the girl’s life by my mere presence, and yes, I realize how ridiculous that sounds on its face but it’s just a part of my personality. This basic line can kind of work for most guys, but it will really only shine when used by someone with the self-confidence of a Roman emperor.
The conversation that follows the introduction is also an extension of all the facets of my personality, and should someone else try to copy it verbatim, they would almost certainly fail. This isn’t because they aren’t good enough, but because my conversation style, topics, and flow are tooled 100% to my personality and experiences. I would also fail if I tried to copy someone else’s game or style, as I’ve proven many times when I tried to emulate Stallion. He and I even have fairly similar personalities, but if you’re not playing to your own strengths then you’re setting yourself up to lose.
This brings us to congruent game.
What is Congruent Game?
Simply put, the concept of personal congruence, or congruent game, is matching what someone sees and hears from you. This might not sound like a big deal, but the difference between congruence and incongruence is massive.
Take for example the sentence, “Good job, buddy.”
If someone says that with a big smile on their face and they pat you on the back, it sounds sincere. If the say it with a look of disdain and roll their eyes, it seems like they’re being sarcastic. The visual cues must line up with the meaning of the sentence or it can be completely misconstrued.
The same is true when talking to women. The way you present yourself and the look you have need to match up to your conversation style perfectly in order for her to get an idea of who you are. If she can’t figure out who you are, how can she start to like you?
If you are a down to earth and serious person, then playing an over the top clown game will likely be both difficult and ineffective for you. If you’re like me though and naturally over the top, playing a stoic and aloof type won’t get you far either. Your personality and conversation style must match up. You must be congruent.
Now, I’m sure some of you are thinking, “Well, does that mean that I’m stuck just being this guy who can’t get girls?”
Of course not! That’s not a personality type!
Instead, you need to do a personal inventory of your own strengths and weaknesses. You need to figure out where you really shine and maximize that, figure out where you’re weak and minimize that.
Let’s take one facet of your personality and examine what to do if you’re strong or weak in that area: social conversation.
If you’re strong in making conversation, then you need to figure out how and where to use that to your advantage. I would recommend spending most of your time in open-plan bars or approaching on the street and subway. In those places, conversation will be the key factor in helping a girl see the parts of you that she may like.
If, however, you lack the gift of gab, then you will need to focus on more physical, visual, or distant skills that can help distinguish you from the gaggles of guys galivanting around at night. You might choose to bring an interesting fashion style to bear, perhaps wearing intriguing articles of clothing that start conversations on their own. If you are good at dancing, or at least not offensively bad, clubs are not famous for stimulating interesting conversation. Maybe you possess another skill that can be shown from a distance in a place that serves alcohol, like performing music or acting.
The main point is to find ways to be yourself and then figure out how to maximize a girl’s exposure to those features of your personality.
As I said before, the biggest mistake most guys make is in trying to copy what someone else is doing. Rather than being like most guys and getting the lack of results most guys get, learn how to do it your way and get the results that you’ve always known you deserve.
Your Challenge: Today my challenge to you is to figure out one strength you have and how you are going to maximize that part of your personality. Post a comment below, or in the forum, telling us what you will maximize and how you will do it!
If you’re having trouble coming up with something to post, send me an email here and I’ll personally help you to figure out how to improve your game and keep you congruent!
Til next time, players!
-JN
[…] I’ve been reading your emails and comments on the forum and taking them all to heart. I often write about advanced game strategies like meeting women on the subway or learning how to spot different types of Korean women or even something like congruence. […]